Tag: body shaming

“Help! I have dress regret!”

Between all the inquiries I get and social media bridal groups I’m in, something I see and hear almost daily is ‘dress regret’.  You’ve bought/ordered your wedding dress and are now panicking you’ve made the wrong choice, should have tried more on, or worried about how you look in it.

You’re still bombarded with wedding day pics of couples looking awesome, not to mention designers’ perfectly styled publicity shots, and there will always be new collections, etc etc etc. You’ve had to choose one dress from almost infinite options so how can you ever feel you’ve got it right?

Out of the hundreds of brides I’ve worked with, I’ve only known two come for their fittings and then decide to buy a different dress, and both were already on their second or third dress at that point.

From experience, here’s a little reassurance about why dress regret creeps in and how we can thwart it:

• Your dress doesn’t fit you – yet. All those wedding photos and publicity shots show well fitting dresses post-alterations (or clamped out of shot). Before alterations, it can just feel like you’re dressing up in someone else’s clothes. It gapes here, pinches there, is too long to fall properly, etc. Get to your seamstress and get it feeling like it’s actually YOUR dress.
• You didn’t look for long enough. But tough shit, you can’t. You could buy the first dress you try on or you could try a different one on every day for years. It’s like studying for a test; when did you ever sit an exam and feel like you had revised ‘enough’?
• You haven’t seen it in months. Many customers I see haven’t dared unpack their dress since the shop assistant expertly folded it between layers of tissue into its box. Some have stored it at someone else’s house so haven’t even been able to sneak a peek at it (especially true during lockdown). You might just need to refresh your memory of how gorgeous all the details are.
• You’ve tried it on (or tried to) at home. Some dresses can’t be put on single-handedly, my own included. But I still tried, broke the hook and eye while trying to swivel it sideways and was then sufficiently paranoid I was going to burst through the seams Hulk-style on my wedding day that I (needlessly and knackeringly) crash dieted and even bought a back-up dress that never got worn. Don’t be me.
• Being neurospicy. Indecision paralysis and the dopamine hit of buying something new are all the more challenging if you are autistic and/or have ADHD. Recognise if this is the case.
• Others’ opinions – either too many or not enough. Take them on board but consider who they’re coming from and what their motives are. They’re not wearing it. They’re not you. Trust your own gut on what feels right for you.
• Your body has changed since you bought it. Bodies are meant to change. You might have been ill, gained/lost weight, had a baby, gender reassignment, been breastfeeding, etc. It’s your seamstress’s job to make your dress fit your body, not yours to make your body fit your dress.
• It’s a different time of your menstrual cycle. When I’m ovulating, I look (read: feel) like the sexiest person who ever lived. Two days before my period, I am (again, feel) hideous in everything (or, even worse, nothing).
• The pressure to look ‘perfect’. Again, you can’t, because there’s no such thing. Even my husband and I affectionately describe each other as “almost perfect” because we recognise actual perfection doesn’t exist.

Want an objective opinion? I’m always happy to take a look at your dress either in person or pictures and give you options objectively (and kindly) so feel free to drop me a line.